Dim Light
by MaryRussellgrl
Summary: After Play With Fire...Sara asks Grissom out and of course he says no, but he sees that she does need help. His inner feelings are uncontrollable and it is getting worse.
1. Chapter 1

Brass pulled me out the door of the house angry. I ran in ahead of him and his men to catch the man that we were going to arrest.

"What are you doing in there?!" He asked

"I was trying to stop that guy!" I said

He sighed holding out his hand.

"Give me your gun!" He said

"What?!"

"Gun now!"

I looked at him then I slowly took my gun out of its case and handed it to him. He took it walking away. I watched him go then I walked back to the Tahoe.

Grissom sat on his desk looking at a card when I knocked. He glanced at me as he got his things.

"Hey." I said

"How did your shift go?" He asked

"We got the guy."

"Is that all you have to say."

"You talked to Brass?"

"Yes, I did."

He gave me a look as he stood walking over.

"Do you want to go to dinner with me?"

"What?" He asked

"Just to eat."

He opened his mouth slowly shaking his head.

"No."

"Come on, let's just see what happens."

"Sara…..I don't know what to do about this."

I looked sadly at him.

"You know when you figure it out, it could be to late."

He watched me sadly walk away leaving him. I walked out of the building looking up at the stars above. Grissom came out looking at me as I quickly walked to my car. When I got home I walked to my apartment. Once inside I sat down against the door feeling lost.

The next shift I walked down to Brass's office seeing Grissom and him sitting in the office. They both looked over at me as I knocked coming in. Brass sat back in his seat as Grissom stood.

"Sara, you can't be here." Grissom said "As of this moment you are on suspension."

"Grissom."

"Go home."

I looked at Brass then I walked out slamming the door. Grissom came out following me.

"Sara."

I turned in the hallway looking at him.

"Grissom, this is crap! I did nothing wrong!"

"Sara, you went into a house before the police!"

I sighed looking down.

"Go home." He said, in a low voice.

I looked at him then I looked down.

"Grissom, I won't do anything else. Let me stay."

"You know the rules."

He turned and started walking away turning glancing at me.

"Sara, go now." He said

I shook my head looking at him.

"No, I can't."

He walked back over seeing a tear go down my face.

"I can't go."

He sighed taking my arm leading me away to his office. He closed the door looking at me.

"Sara…."

"You make me go home and I will do something." I said, backing up.

"What does that mean?" He asked, walking over.

I started to shake and he started getting concerned.

"I….will do something to myself."

"You mean hurt yourself?"

"Yes."

He looked me over then led me to the couch. He sat down touching my shaking hands on my lap.

"Sara, this is serious. You can't do that."

"Why not? You don't care about me."

"Is that really what you think?" He asked

"Yes." I said

He silently looked down at the floor then at me.

"Sara, if I didn't care about you then I would not be here. I do care about you and I would hate to see anything happen to you."

I wiped a tear with my hand.

"Please don't hurt yourself. I can call the counselor here and she can talk to you."

I got up glaring at him.

"I don't want to talk to a counselor!"

"Sara, please." He said, standing.

"I don't need anyone!" I said, going to the door. He quickly blocked my path.

"I can't let you leave. Not while you are in this state of mind."

"Get out of my way!" I said

"No, Sara." He said, before coming over pulling me against him as his arms went around me. I sniffed against his shoulder looking at the door.

He somehow got us on the couch holding me against him.

"Talk to me." He said

I took a breath feeling my heartbeat race.

"When…I was sitting on the curb I was alone and lost. You came over and touched my arm and called me honey. I felt like I was floating because you called me that."

"I was scared for you. I was scared about everything."

"When you rejected me then I felt lost again. Where do I fit in now?"

"Sara, you fit in here."

"Not anymore. I actually never did fit in."

"I think you do. You are a great CSI and everyone likes you."

I stayed silent looking at the floor. He put his hand through my hair. I moved sitting up feeling his hands fall to the couch.

"I better go home."

"Sara, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said, standing. "I need to go home and think."

"I can drive you."

"No, you stay." I said, watching him stand.

He walked over holding the door shut.

"You're not going to do anything, are you?"

"No." I said

He searched my eyes a moment.

"I want to take you home."

"Why?"

"Because I don't trust you."

I opened my mouth as he took his phone and keys from his pocket leading me out. He made me come with him after he called Catherine. We went to my place and then he followed me to my apartment silently. I kept expecting him to stop and then go back to his car, but he never did.

I faced him outside my door watching him motion me to go inside. I opened the door turning on some lights hearing him come in and close the door.

"So how much should I tip you?" I asked

"For what?" He asked

"If you are babysitting me then you should get some money."

"Sara, stop it."

I looked down hearing him come over.

"Let's sit on the couch and order food then we can talk."

We sat on the couch. I let him chose the food since I was not very hungry. A movie on the TV entertained us until the food arrived then we ate. I watched him finish, before helping to clean it up. We once again sat on the couch. Grissom turned off the TV looking at me. I avoided his gaze.

"You can come here."

"That's okay." I said

"Want to talk?"

"Not really."

He nodded looking around.

"I'm not going to do anything if you want to leave."

"I don't want to leave."

I sighed moving on the couch. He watched me move around before reaching over touching my arm pulling me over against him. I laid my head on his chest as he rubbed my arm.

"Sara, I would be very upset if you did something to hurt yourself."

"I don't want to talk." I said

"Then let me talk. You and I have a connection. We have from the beginning. There is something about you."

He heard my breathing change which meant I was asleep. He touched my hair laying his head against mine.

"I love you." He whispered

He closed his eyes moving his lips against my head. I moved my head some grabbing his shirt.

"Grissom?" I said, weakly. "Are you still there?"

"Yes, I'm not leaving." He said

I stilled sleeping again as he breathed in and out looking at the wall across from us. The next day I moved on the couch feeling a blanket over me. Opening my eyes I saw that I was alone. Grissom walked in from the bathroom seeing that I was awake.

"Hey." I said, sitting up.

"Hey, you slept a long time." He said

"What time is it?"

"About two." He said

I rubbed my eyes noticing he was looking at curiously.

"Sara, I need to go work. Will you be okay?"

I nodded looking around.

"Call me if you want to talk."

"Okay."

He gave me a little smile then walked to the door. I laid back sighing looking at the ceiling. Grissom sat in a meeting hearing the talking around him, but his mind was on me. Catherine looked at him as Ecklie spoke noticing his far away stare. She poked him making him jump a little before listening again. As they walked down the hallway Catherine watched him.

"What's wrong?" She asked

He looked at her confused.

"Nothing."

"Gil, I know you. There is something going on."

"No, there is not." He said, walking past her. He closed his office door getting out his phone. He dialed my number walking over to his desk sitting in his chair.

When I didn't answer he sighed sitting back with his head against his chair closing his eyes. Later, I opened the front door seeing him standing before me.

"Why didn't you answer the phone?"

"You called?"

He came in as I closed the door.

"Yes, I did earlier. It worried me when you didn't answer the phone."

I watched him look me over coming closer.

"Are you all right?"

I nodded as he relaxed.

"I am going to make dinner."

"I better go home." He said

"You can eat before you go." I said

He looked at me then he slowly nodded. I made lasagna and he made the salad. We sat at the island eating. I looked at him as he ate a tomato. He looked at me as he chewed.

He stopped chewing to swallow looking at me.

"Sara?"

I looked back at my plate.

"Sorry, I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me."

I sighed looking back at him.

"I just….was thinking….ah…nothing." I said, getting up taking my plate to the sink. Grissom watched me go then he wiped his mouth with a napkin before getting his plate walking over to me. I took his plate putting it in the sink. He pulled me to face him. I looked at him as he looked deeply into my eyes. I trembled as he put his hands on my waist.

"What are you thinking?" He asked, gently.

I looked at his lips then into his eyes. He closed his eyes as I kissed him. His lips moved along with mine as I moved my hands around his back. He tilted his head kissing me deeply. I wanted more, but I also needed air. He opened his eyes as I moved back breathing in and out looking at him scared and excited.

He looked at my lips then he kissed me again. His hands went around my back. My heart raced as he pulled me closer.

I moved back just an inch feeling his lips move along my cheek to my neck. I couldn't help but smile. He moved back so he could look at me. His hand touched my cheek.

"Sara."

"What?" I said

"Sara, you are an amazing woman."

"I am?"

"Yes."

I smiled a little as he looked at me. I opened my mouth to talk, but he put his finger on my lips to stop me. I closed them feeling his finger got over my lips. He silently looked at my mouth then he dropped his hand looking into my eyes.

"You….can stay." I said

He took a breath.

"I don't think that would be wise."

I nodded slowly.

He stepped back from me then walked out to the front door. Once outside he leaned against the front door rubbing his head. I walked out as the door closed behind him touching my mouth. I walked over touching the door then I dropped my hand staring at the door.

Grissom sat outside of my place for a while. He looked at the building going over what had happened. I tossed and turned in bed thinking about it. What had I done?

A knock at the door made me sit up. I quickly went out going to the door opening it seeing Grissom. He didn't speak as he came in pushing me out of the way as he shut the door kissing me. I kissed him back feeling my heart race. He picked me up walking to the bedroom. I laid back on the bed watching him come over me. We stared at each other in the dim light before I pulled him back to my lips.

The next morning I woke looking over seeing him lying with his back to me sleeping. I admired his smooth back. His spine stuck out some. Slowly I reached over touching his back. He moved stilling making me smile. I moved over placing kisses in different spots on his back.

He looked at his wrist watch then he moved to his back looking at me. I leaned my head against my hand looking at him.

"So what now?" I asked

He sighed looking up at the ceiling.

"I have to go home and change and you should sleep more."

"Grissom." I said

"What?" He asked

I touched his chest.

"I mean about….this."

He touched my hand looking at me.

"Sara, I….I need to think about this."

I sat up looking at him.

"I thought you had."

He sat up touching my cheek kissing me. I kissed him feeling him move back.

"Sara, I care about you very deeply, but you scare me. I can't control what I am feeling right now and that confuses me."

I nodded as he searched my eyes.

"I just need some time."

"All right."

He nodded touching my face a moment more, before getting up and dressing. I walked out watching him walk to the front door.

"When can I come back?" I asked

He looked at me.

"I'll let you come tonight. I'll talk to Brass."

"Thank you." I said

He nodded before leaving.

I entered the lab feeling like I was in a protective bubble. Everything was different. As I walked down the hallway Grissom and Catherine with a lot of people behind them were walking towards me. Grissom saw me stopping as everyone else went past.

"What's happening?" I asked

"Two buses crashed ten miles from here. I need you working." He said, handing me back my gun. "Get your case and let's go."

"Okay."

I ran to the locker room getting my things then I went out seeing Grissom open the passenger side door of his Tahoe. I got in seeing Greg and Nick sitting in the back. Grissom got in glancing at me before turning on the engine. Nick and Greg talked excitedly in the back as I sat looking outside. I looked at Grissom's profile as he drove. He looked over at me then looked at the road again. I took a breath looking out again.

We arrived and it was a gigantic mess. Body bags lined up in a row as some men from the morgue put new ones beside the others. I felt sick smelling the burnt flesh in the air. Catherine looked over at Grissom as he looked at her shaking his head.

We separated into groups. I worked with Nick looking around the buses. Taking a break I went up the hill as Grissom reached down with his hand. I looked at his hand taking it as he pulled me up.

"How is it?" He asked

"Horrible." I said

He nodded watching me walk away. He looked back over seeing Catherine looking at him. He walked away feeling her eyes.

Everyone finished the next day. We packed our things driving back to town. Nick asked if we could stop for breakfast. Grissom parked outside a diner watching Greg and him jump out to get a table. I looked at Grissom as he looked at me. My hand reached over taking hold of his coat pulling him towards me. Our lips met and he tilted his head as I pulled him closer. He moaned as I moved back. He smiled at me as I smiled knowing that we were well on our way.


	2. Chapter 2

Grissom and I sat alone in the car outside of the diner and after a kiss we just sat there looking at each other. I leaned in again only to be stopped by him.

"We should go in." He said

I watched him get out and wait for me. I sighed getting out. Grissom confused me. He seemed to not mind kissing, but then his old self would turn on and he would keep me at a distance.

Nick and Greg were laughing as we went in taking a seat. I looked out the window after ordering thinking about sleeping as they talked.

"Hey, there's Catherine!" Greg said, waving as we all looked seeing her come in the diner looking for us. She walked over looking at one person.

"Grissom, can we talk outside?"

Grissom looked at me and the guys before standing walking out with her.

"I wonder what's wrong." Nick asked

I watched Catherine start talking as Grissom just stood there.

"Just tell me the truth, Gil." She said

"Truth about what?" He asked

"Come on, you know what I am talking about. You and Sara."

"There is nothing going on."

"I just saw you kissing her!"

Grissom looked over seeing me and the others watching from the window.

"You know this is wrong!"

"This is none of your business." He said

"It is when I am trying to protect you!"

Grissom looked at her confused.

"From Ecklie, you know what he could do to your career?"

"Catherine, I appreciate your concern."

"You better break it off, because sooner or later he will find out." She said

We watched him look over at us then he looked down as she watched him.

"Looks like there fighting." Greg said

"I will deal with it." Grissom said

"Fine." Catherine said, walking away to her car. Grissom sighed looking down then he walked back inside sitting down beside Nick.

"Everything okay?" Greg asked

"Nothing to worry about." He said, glancing at me.

We went back to the lab and put the evidence away. Grissom touched my arm motioning me to the breakroom. I went in as he closed the doors coming over to me.

"What's wrong?" I asked

"Sara, I need to talk to you. I don't think we should be doing what we are doing from now on."

"What?"

He searched my eyes.

"It's to risky for both of us. I do care about you, but there can be nothing outside of work."

I felt my eyes start to water.

"I'm sorry. I better go." He said, leaving.

I stood there hurt watching him leave. I went home crushed. Everything was unraveling. Work seemed less enjoyable as it was. Grissom went back to his old self.

A few weeks later he wanted me with him on a case as well as Greg. I sat in the back seat looking outside occasionally. Greg talked to him about a case as he would glance in the rear mirror at me. I closed my eyes putting my head against the window.

"Sara, are you all right?" Grissom asked

"Fine." I said

He continued to watch me. We stopped at the scene which was in a drain pipe. Brass pointed inside and we groaned knowing we had to go inside. We put on our things to go in then we all started walking into the murky water.

"It stinks!" Greg said

"Yeah." I said, wrinkling my nose.

Grissom walked ahead with a flashlight looking around. He walked to an area where you could clearly see a hand sticking out of the water. I grimaced seeing it was already grey.

"We got a hand." Grissom said, grabbing it. The hand and arm was all there was.

"Eww." Greg said

"Well the body's got to be around here somewhere." He said

"What do we do about the arm?" Greg asked

Grissom handed it to him.

"Take it back."

"Are you serious?" He asked

"Yes." Grissom said

Greg winched taking the arm then he sighed walking back the way we came. I smiled to myself as he left. Grissom walked on down the pipe as I followed. At one point my pant leg caught on something. I pulled on it finally ripping it clear. Grissom turned looking at me.

"You okay?" He asked

"Yeah." I said, walking over. We walked for a mile at least not finding a thing. Grissom and I walked back coming out of the pipe seeing Dave the morgue guy with Greg talking to the side.

"Find anything?" He asked

"Nothing." Grissom said

"I suggest you split up and look for her." Dave said

"She?" Grissom asked

"Defiantly a she. There is a diamond ring on the finger." Dave said

I sighed walking back as Greg and Grissom started back. After we walked down another pipe we found what was left of the woman. Grissom led us out to it being daylight. We packed our things away then got into the Tahoe. My leg started tingling as Grissom drove us back to the lab. I looked down seeing that I had actually cut the leg causing a lot of blood to ooze out.

We stopped at the lab and I slid out looking at my leg then walking slowly to get my case.

"Woah!" Grissom said, holding his hands out so I was standing back. I looked down seeing he was seeing the blood on my pants. "Sara, is that blood?"

"I think I cut myself." I said

"Wow!" Greg said

"Okay, I need to get you to a hospital." Grissom said, calmly.

"Grissom, I'll be fine." I said

"Greg can you take the evidence and I will take her to the hospital."

"Sure."

"I can help!" I said

Greg quickly took the bags as Grissom picked me up in his arms taking me to the passenger side door. I watched him put me inside then he shut the door running to the other side getting in. He didn't speak the entire drive, but I could tell he was worried about me. We got to the hospital and he carried me in. I had stitches before long that was wrapped in a white bandage. He drove me home later taking me to my apartment. I sighed as he lowered me on my couch.

"Do you need anything else?" He asked

"No, you have done to much as it is." I said, yawning. He moved a pillow under my leg to elevate it as I laid back closing my eyes.

I opened my eyes seeing him standing up looking down at me.

"You can sit down." I said

He sat down on the couch.

"Grissom?"

"Yes?" He asked

I reached over touching his hand.

"Can you call me honey again?" I asked

"What?"

"Please?"

"Sara, I can't do that."

"I just want to hear it once."

He looked at his watch then at me.

"What are you afraid of?" I asked

He watched me sit up winching some. I searched his face settling my gaze on his lips. He breathed in and out letting his eyes look at mine. I moved kissing his lips and he sought mine. It was like a wonderful dream.

I put my arms around him as he did me. He tilted his head making me moan. I felt him lean me back onto the couch then he moved back.

I touched his cheek watching him close his eyes moving his face into my hand.

"I love you." I said

He opened his eyes looking into mine.

"I do." I said

"I….should go." He said, getting up walking out.

"Grissom, please tell me you feel the same!" I shouted, making him stop. "I know you do! You are not a robot that everyone says you are! Please tell me!"

He looked down as I waited.

"If I tell you that I love you it would be a lie."

"I heard you!"

He turned looking at me.

"I heard you say I love you!"

"You were asleep."

"No, I wanted you to think that!"

He looked at me in surprise.

"Tell me that you love me or…or don't come back!"

He opened his mouth as I swiped a single tear away.

"Sara, I'm sorry."

With that he walked out leaving me alone. I cried after he left until I fell asleep. Grissom went home rubbing his face as he walked to his bedroom.

The next shift I limped down the hallway. Greg and Grissom were working in a room when I limped in.

"Hey, didn't you have crutches?" Greg asked

"Yes, but I am not using them." I said

"Okay." He said

Grissom watched me slap on some gloves and begin to work. He could tell I had been crying as my eyes were swollen. I avoided him the entire shift. At the end I limped to the front door going out seeing him standing at my car.

"What do you want?" I asked

"Sara, I didn't mean to hurt you." He said

"Thank's." I said, going past him.

"Please, let's talk." He said

I sighed looking over at him.

"All right." I said

He led me to the side of the building.

"What….."

I was cut off as he touched my cheeks with his hands kissing me. He eagerly sought my lips. I moaned gently hearing him do the same. His hands moved around my body holding me up against the wall. When he moved back I kept my eyes closed breathing in and out fast.

"Sara, look at me."

I opened my eyes looking into his.

"I do love you." He said

"I know you do." I said

He kissed me again and it was like fireworks exploding in my head.

Grissom woke in bed looking over at me as I slept facing him.

"You awake?" I asked

"Sara, I know it will be hard, but I want to be with you."

I reached over touching his hand.

"Me to."

He never spoke again as he played with my hand.

From that night on he and I became a couple. No one knew about it because of our jobs. A few weeks later I started to feel odd like something was wrong. I was sick and dizzy a lot. Grissom walked down the hallway towards the police station when he saw me standing outside the women's bathroom touching my stomach.

"Sara are you okay?" He asked

I looked over at him letting my hand drop.

"I just felt a little sick." I said

He looked around then reached up touching my head.

"No fever."

"It just hit me." I said

"If you feel worse you need to go home."

"Okay."

He touched my arm before moving on. I watched him go then I touched my stomach again. I went home going to bed. The next day the same thing happened. I came out in the hallway walking to the breakroom thinking. Grissom walked out seeing me by my car. He walked over touching my arm.

"Feeling any better?"

"A little." I said

He nodded rubbing my arm.

"Grissom, I think I'm pregnant."

His eyes became large as he looked at me.

"Pregnant?"

"Yes." I said, searching his eyes.

"I…I don't know what to say."

"I didn't mean to tell you like this, but you had to know."

"Yes, I understand." He said "Let's go to my place and talk about it."

I nodded letting him lead me to his car. I watched him as he drove. I could tell he was thinking as he flexed his jaw several times. We made it to his house and he pulled me inside.

We sat on his couch silently.

"Are you sure?" He asked

"Well I have been feeling sick and dizzy." I said

"If you are have you thought about….what you want to do?" He asked, looking at me.

"I don't know what to do. I know I want to keep it."

"You do?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

I stood walking around his coffee table.

"Grissom, I am not trying to put you in a position. If I am, then I will do it alone."

He stood walking over looking at me.

"Is that what you think I want?"

"You need to think about your job."

"Sara, if you are pregnant, then I will take care of you." He said "I want to be with you. My job is not my highest priority right now, you are."

I hugged him so happy he said that. He put his arms around me closing his eyes. I spent the night at Grissom's getting up early taking out a pregnancy test I bought out of my bag I brought. I waited behind a locked bathroom door pacing as the timer went off. When I looked at the stick on the sink I lost all courage. I sat on the tub just looking at it worried.

"Sara?" Grissom called, knocking.

"Yes?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yes." I said

I put my head in my hands as he waited at the door.

"What are you doing?"

"I am waiting."

"For what?"

I stood unlocking the door so he could enter.

"I don't want to look." I said

He watched me go back to the tub to sit down, then he went to pick up the stick. I looked over as he stood there looking at it. He looked at me seeing I was scared.

"Is it positive?" I asked


End file.
